There is a great freedom to calling eating disordered thoughts by name.
Saying them out loud exposes them for what they are… For their ridiculousness, however based in reality they may be, somehow out loud they are put in perspective.
Having a friend who lets you do this is a God-send… Who doesn’t jump down your throat or look at you with disgust for thinking such a thing.
THE THOUGHTS WILL BE THERE.
But you just have to let them be there. I’ve spent a lot of time learning new ways of thinking. But I’ve learned that fighting with the disordered thoughts never gets me anywhere but frustrated. I just have to replace them with other, louder thoughts. I don’t invite in eating disordered thoughts, they are there. But I can invite in healthier, positive ways of thinking and focus on them.
And with time, I hope the eating disordered thoughts get quieter and quieter.
I used to spend up to half an hour a day searching for some quote online or on Pinterest that would motivate me. I have a hidden Pinterest board called, “Free One Day!” with all the phrases that have motivated me. I’m teaching my brain to think in a new way.
I was so motivated by this book – that showed me that it is possible to change the way I think. It was probably one of the most instrumental books in my path to recovery.
On Saturday night, my friend and I were talking about my North Face jacket. And there it was – the thought. “I like it because it isn’t so puffy that I feel fat.” Things like that sometimes just slip out. The truth is many people have that thought. But it can have a snowball effect in the mind of someone with an eating disorder that is dangerous.
I look at my friend and she looked at me and we laughed. We laughed at the shared experience, at the challenge, at the freedom of saying it out loud without shame.
The goal is to be free one day!