Eek!!! So this just happened.
Escalated heart rate…
The only way to calm my mind right now is to repeat over and over – “It is just $100.”
Worst case scenario I drop out. That is the worst thing that can happen. I will train. I will eat healthy. I will try to train through the winter. (I guess it can’t be worse than the summer.) The worst thing that can happen is I decide I’m not doing it and I lose $100.
Call me crazy, but this is why I run. I signed up to keep dreaming. I signed up to remind myself that I’m strong. (Sure if I qualify for Boston that would be cool too.)
But right now I signed up for a marathon because I’m facing a new stage in my life. I’m independent. I’m walking on my own. And I running is a huge part of who I am and of my recovery.
I will never forget the day my therapist told me I needed to stop running. I had a race scheduled for the next weekend. She told me to not run that week, do the race, and then to cool it until we could get me where I needed to be. I tried hard. I walked. I did the elliptical. But I NEEDED to run! I remember trying to journal about it and chucking my journal at the wall. (Yeah, not one of my finest moments…)
I ran the 5K and won – can you say, pent up energy?
The next week I went back to therapy and told her there was no way I was quitting running. It is too important. One of my motivations in my recovery has been running. I LOVE to run! (Reference above for a few of the reasons.) Running symbolizes my recovery. So, we decided to work around the running thing.
So here I am. Over two years later. One month after finishing therapy. And I have this goal to keep me moving. It isn’t easy to walk on your own. I miss my therapist. I miss the comfort of her listening to me. I miss the reassurance of having her as a safety net. I miss working over my thoughts and my emotions until I’m exhausted. I miss the feeling of progress.
But running is my journey. Running is my recovery.
“RUN. It will Hurt. It will take Time. It will require dedication and it will require willpower. You will need to make healthy decisions. It will require sacrifice. You will need to push yourself to the limit. There will be hard days. But, When you reach your goals. It’s Worth It.”
Replace “RUN” with “RECOVER” and it all makes sense.