Good Bye

I didn’t get a chance to say good bye. I don’t think you know how much it aches. Actually I think you do know – and that makes it hurt even more.

It is like a bad breakup. But you weren’t my boyfriend… You were my “person.” You stood by me as I found myself.

It is crazy how the only thing getting me through this is what you taught me. That even as I try to move on from you being gone, your words and advice are what is carrying me forward.

One forgets what this feels like… This ache. The physical pain of missing someone – it is no exaggeration.

Time does heal. And pain becomes a foggy memory. I know this was meant to be. I couldn’t need you forever. So that knowledge helps.

But why? Why the silence? Why no goodbye? Why did you go back on your promise that we could talk one more time?

I try to trust you with my head but my heart aches. Tears are good. They say they express what we can’t say with words… But I don’t have time to cry. I cried with you.

I don’t need you anymore… I knew I would miss you. But the lack of closure leaves a gaping hole.

Maybe you know something I don’t know. But I thought I knew you better than this. Maybe it would be worse if I would have tried to say goodbye… Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I think I deserved the chance to try.

I am trying to move on. And mostly I’m trying to be patient with myself as it is taking way more time than I’d like.

Each day I try again. And I will not give up.

And the one phrase that I will never forget that you shared with me:

“You are stronger than you seem, braver than you believe, and smarter than you think.”

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