Eeyore Days

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Ok, it isn’t really that bad. But it is one of those days when I diagnosis myself with SAD at least fifty times…

Feel like a small monster is erupting inside of me…

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And randomly hide in the bathroom to deal with the tears that have spilled over… but I don’t have enough energy actually to deal with crying and the subsequent makeup mess…

It is one of those days when you really begin to doubt everything… and by everything I mean EVERYTHING – did I even make any progress…

It is just a bad day.

I’m sure the lack of sleep last night isn’t helping anything. I’m not really sure what time I went to bed – but it was late. I refused to look at the clock so I wouldn’t have to suffer the mental pain of knowing how few hours of sleep I was getting.

They are the days you just have to hold on.

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“Don’t deny in the darkness what you have seen in the light.”

These are the hardest days for me. The days when I can’t see as clearly as I usually can, when my emotions are on strike, and everything seems to fall apart. The days I want to just throw in the towel, take a mental health day, and drink a glass of wine. But paradoxically they are the days when I most need to be near other people, because being with myself is not going to get us anywhere good. So the challenge is to be near other people without doing irreparable damage. (Okay, yes, I’m being a bit dramatic – but sometimes the whole thing feels a be catastrophic. It is like all the lights have been turned off suddenly and I can’t yet make out any forms in the darkness.)

They are the days I miss having someone to vent to. The days when I want to shove it all back inside because feeling gets really hard. They are the days when I wonder if everyone is like this or if it is just me.

They are the days that take every ounce of my will power and focus to get through.

Little by little I’m learning to accept that it is okay to have a bad day. That I don’t have to be perfect, that I can mess up royally and I will continue to move forward.

The days that finish with the thought, “Tomorrow is a new day.”

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