Interior battles… they are tough.
And I’ve found I tend to pick fights with other people rather than fight the interior battles.
It isn’t a great option. Especially when such an action hurts those around me.
The truth is I am often fighting with someone else before I realize the interior battle I’m fighting. It takes courage to fight the interior battles.
The truth is I’m getting better at it but I still have to learn. I have to learn to confront myself. I’ve come a lot way but my tendency before emotion is still to turtle rather than to let myself feel it – especially when facing circumstances outside of my control.
And well – circumstances outside of my control seem to abound right now. I’ve started dating someone new. I’m traveling a lot – which I LOVE – but it also often presents circumstances in which I don’t have a lot of control. I’m currently with people who seem to have an affinity for eating all day long. I am eating well in general, but there is something triggering about people who continue eating all day long. (Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I find security in feeling hungry.)
These are the challenges. Add to that the fact that I seem to have adopted a habit of feeling good by “feeling bad” since childhood… so picking fights with other people is horrible and then brings a rush of security. Weird how our minds can do strange things like that.
The important thing is that I can recognize this. The important thing is that I’m learning. I’m reacting faster. I’m also learning that it is okay to make mistakes.
And maybe along the way I’m learning something about conflict.