Here we go again…

So a few months ago when my therapist ditched me couldn’t continue working with me, I knew that at some moment I would go back to therapy to wrap up loose ends.

But I needed time.

I needed time to find my voice.

I needed time to believe in myself.

Oddly enough, I need time to feel alone and realize that it was okay.

I needed time to rely only on God.

And I’ve amazed myself. I’ve grown a lot.

I discovered things about myself I never would have any  other way.

I’ve stayed healthy. I’ve faced challenges. I’ve learned to be brave enough to face my emotions without someone sitting beside me. (That was a big one.)

But… the time has come… and here we go again.

This Tuesday found me sitting on someone’s overstuffed chair spilling out my life story all over again. Emotion free. Facts. Narration.

How far I have come. The story is very different. The person telling it the same.

But the fact of the matter is, I’m doing great. I am surprising myself daily. But the fact of the matter also is that I’m up against some big challenges and there is no point in making this harder on myself than it needs to be. It is time to get some support because I’ve got a lot on my plate.

My number one support person is moving away.

I’m facing transition at work.

My studies in psychology are digging up things from the past which are heavy, and why not have someone share that weight.

Those are just some of the reasons.

But what amazes me is my attitude. I went to therapy four years ago because I was out of options. Now I have a lot of options, but I’m choosing for me to get some support through these transitions. I’m choosing for me.

I’m nervous. Sure. Who likes being vulnerable? But I look at it more as creating a space for me to be with myself and confront myself because I’ve gotten very good at practicing those habits on a day to day basis, but right now the amount of things I’m carrying is making it harder for me to do that automatically.

Intake was fine. Whatever – it is telling a story. The hard work of it comes next. But I want that… I want to be true to myself.

And maybe it won’t be the right fit, but it is worth a try. Because I am worth it.

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